I am so tired but not wanting to go to bed yet. I didn't know what to do so I am going to vent alittle. I just got a new job. Yay for me. The only thing is I am a sales rep for Vector and I am so reconsidering the job. I don't know if I should re think it yet but who wants to have someone come over to their house that they don't know and show them knives? I know I wouldn't but I do know that alot of Carmel house moms would love to see it. I haven't done so bad so far. I just started making appointments yesterday and I have sold over a thousand dollers worth of knives. Yea not to bad but it was to people I know and who might of felt sorry for me. I had to do the whole presentations just so I could get it done. I get paid to practice on my friends which is nice. The only thing is that I know it will get harder as I go along. I think sales is what I should do but I don't know about this kind of sales. The money is nice yes. But other then that I feel like I am coning people into it.

Darryl moves into his new house this week with the girlfriend which I am kind of upset about but I know that everything will be ok. I know that things won't last. But I also know there will never be anything between us. I just think he jumped into this one way too fast I know that in the end he will be hurt and I don't want to see that. 

School is going real good and I can't wait until it's over. I will only have 3credits left and I can take those online.

Well I am done bicthing and I am going to go to bed.

Current Mood: apathetic

Today was a great day for me. School went real well and I have a positive out look for the new trimester. I am currently planning out my last few months in school and getting ready to take some summer classes. Ok so I am looking into the future. 

I went to my sponsors home group meeting tonight and I left early to go to the Fall Creek meeting. When I got out of the Fall Creek meeting I called my sponsor and she told me that she didn't like when people leave a meeting early or come to a meeting late. She said she was working on that. I usually leave her homegroup to go to the fall creek metting. I love both of them and I couldn't give either one up so I am going to have to alternate. 

Anyway I was talking to my sponsor about Darryl. I was telling her that he was the reason why I started going to the Fall Creek meeting was so I could see him. Now I can go and sit and listen because I have gotten over the hump of having a huge crush on him and be his friend. I still have feelings for him but it doesn't interfer with our friendship. I won't tell him how I feel because I don't want to fuck anything up. My sponsor was telling me to looka t my motives behind what I do when it comes to him. I joined H&I becuase Darryl convinced me to go. Deb told me that she didn't want me to do service because I just wanted to see Darryl. I think that atleast I am getting to service and someone helped me get there regardless if it was for the wrong reasons. 

I don't know how to get over him. I know there might not be anything between us because of the differant places we are in our lives. The one thing that gets me is the age differance. He is ten years older then me and I know that someone who is 29 won't want to be with someone who is still in high school or even when I go off to college. 

I found out the otehr day that Darryl will probably be moving in the next year. I am goingt o talk to my therapist about it and ask her if I shoudl tell him how I feel before its too late. I atleast want him to know. I don't know I am so far in my head its unbelieveable. 

My sister is coming in tomorrow which is going to be fun. I am kinda upset that I won't be able to spend that much time with her because of school and meetings but I know that we will have fun for the times that we do spend together.

Current Mood: content

I am just sittin gin class. The guys are in the other room listening to music and behind me the girls are sleeping. I am getting kinda tired of school. I haven't been putting it as my top priority. Sad I know. I feel like I am going through life and not being productive. It's I guess not for the lack of trying. I do do things when I need to but in school it seems liek to me that I don't get motivated enough. I ma not doing what I want to be doing which I have no control over. I know that I have to get this out of the way and then go on and do what I want but it seems like I am stuck. I had a real good conversations last night with my dad even though he was on the verge of tears. He tells me that I am very smart and I can do what I want to do if I put my mind to it. I don't want to disappoint him but he has high expectations for me that are unrealistic. Sometimes I get on myself because I know I can do so much better. Ehhh life sucks but o well. I can't change what I did yesterday but I can change what I am going to do tomorrow.

Current Mood: bored

So I am new to this. I know how to keep a journal and all that great jazz I thought I would try it out because my brother uses one and I thought I might give it a try. I find it easier to keep things on a computer then writing them down. After awhile my hand hurts. I guess my day was pretty normal until I got out of school. I ended up getting pulled over becuase Chris threw a cig out the window and a cop saw it. He had another cop come to us and had his K9 search around my car. The littlest things they suspect. I have no problem with cops what so ever but some of them think they are better then others. After that everything was cool. I hung out with Chris and Casey fro alittle bit. Then I went to see my mom. She was doing alot better today. I will probably get into what is wrong with her later on when I am up to typing alot. After care was fun bringing up topics and hearing suggestions. I get so pissed in there becuase they are telling me what I need to hear. I can't wait unil Friday. ISNAC will be off the hook. That is another story all in its self. Peace out!
Theresa

Current Mood: tired